Day of Hope #68
Monday August 13 – Day of Hope #68
Goal: Stop feeling sorry for myself
Quote: “The only time you should look back is to see how far you have come”. - Unknown
Today I got up and did a 30-minute yoga DVD then went for a 30-minute walk and then to Rembrandts restaurant in Eagle, Idaho for breakfast. I had my favorite market spice tea, avocado eggs benedict, and lemon poppyseed muffin.
For my Day of Hope today I am doing what I call a “Be Grateful Day”. I have really been feeling sorry for myself lately and a bit down. I had an MRI last week and they concluded I might have to have hip surgery. It’s been hurting a lot, and I have not been taking good care of my health and eating the best, so I need to get back on track for that. Hopefully, that will help with the pain. It’s a basic common surgery but any surgery comes with some anxiety and part of me knows my health could be better. It makes me think of what could happen and how I have not done everything I want to do in this life. I was discouraged at where I was in my life and thinking that I had not accomplished enough.
I was having a sort of regret syndrome where I want to write a book but haven’t, I want to start my new company but have not gotten informed on how, I want to make all the amends with anyone that I need to, I want to work through my past and any blocks I have there and work on finances and saving more. That’s a lot of reasons for me to be down about.
I asked myself the question I always ask when I get in these moods and think these thoughts, “What would I tell one of my friends if they came to me and told me all these things they were thinking about? What advice would I give them to help them feel better”? I would tell them to look at how far they have come and all the big and small things they have already accomplished. I would ask them about each of these problems or thoughts and to ask themselves, “Will it matter in five years”? I would have them realize that things that you think are problems or challenges are not that serious in the grand scheme of things. I would remind them that they have been through so much and this is doable.
I did just that. I decided to get out all my journals from all the years past and for my Day of Hope I would read through these journals to help me realize just how grateful I should be. I currently have six of them dating back to 1997. Today I am going to start with number one and just read all day to give me hope for my future self. Looking through my past, confronting my present and being hopeful for my future was an amazing way to spend my day and lift my spirits. I have a massage scheduled at 2:30pm so I have all morning and part of the afternoon to dedicate to reading the journals.
When my breakfast arrived at the restaurant, I was already in tears from reading the first journal pages. Back then I was in such a place of sorrow and pain. Things were tough and I did not know how I would survive but I did. The restaurant waitress was feeling my sorrow as well and asking if I was ok. I assured her I would be just fine that I was just reading through my past. She totally understood and I thanked her for her concern. I finished my breakfast and read for about another hour then decided to go somewhere else a little more private to continue. It was an enlightening morning as I had forgotten a lot of the horrible situations I was in and how broken I was at that time. It really made my problems now seem so small.
I then decided to go to the pool at my condo and it was 12:45pm and I was still on journal number one. I cried a lot and at some points laughed out loud and just thought how brave I was back then to go through so much and keep my soul in tack. I did all this while raising two very small children and moving to a new state where I only knew a few people. It was just the three of us and while it was challenging, I wrote a lot about how it was exciting to start a new adventure and how that year was a big year of change for us all and we managed to live life and enjoy it.
My massage gal Patty worked on my sore hip a lot and it really helped me so much with the stiffness and pain. Maybe it is just a muscle issue after all. Time will tell. I then headed back home to continue reading. I got through journal two but that was all. It was such a healing experience and a great start. I continued reading the journals into the following week. It made me feel so incredibly grateful to be alive and to be where I was now and what my future holds. I just need to keep going and never give up.
I then got ready and went to a Boise Hawks baseball game for a work group event and took my family. I ended up sitting in row K seat 13. That is just crazy. I love the universe and all it brings me.
My lesson of hope: Sweating the small stuff and feeling sorry for myself will get me nowhere. I have done so much and accomplished great things and sometimes I go through times of forgotten hope. Thinking through my past really gives me perspective and clarity on what I want going forward.
